Navigating the intricacies of emotions and human connections unveils the fascinating nature of love. It becomes apparent that the essence of loving someone transcends the person themselves; instead, it resides in the unique and incredible feelings it evokes within you. This personal journey becomes a celebration of happiness and self-enjoyment, detached from the expectation of specific responses or behaviours from the other person.
Furthermore, the notion that individuals content in solitude are better suited for relationships resonates powerfully. Seeking happiness solely through another person often results in temporary satisfaction, paving the way for emotional dependence. This dependency tends to manifest in clingy behaviours that, in the long run, encroach upon the freedom of the other person – a situation intolerable for sustained periods.
However, In contemporary relationships, there exists a prevalent desire to make others dependent, inadvertently constructing cages for both individuals. To cultivate healthy connections, the ideal scenario involves two people freely choosing each other, providing the desired space, and living “Free Together” – in independent interdependence or relations.
In contrast, social relations—whether stemming from mutual love or bonding, with implicit or explicit commitments—introduce a nuanced expectation of behaviour. This anticipation is driven by two underlying reasons, revealing the intricate dynamics at play within these connections.
Firstly, as we know, life is inherently uncertain and unpredictable; yet, humans exert considerable effort to tolerate this uncertainty. We develop our mechanisms – psychological, social, and behavioural tools and patterns – to cope with the uncertainty of life and the behaviours of those around us. This tolerance extends primarily to the uncertainties of life shared with our chosen circle of people.
Based on observations and continuous interactions, we implicitly or unconsciously grasp the behavioural patterns of others. This intuitive sense allows us to anticipate how a person will respond in specific situations. If we find comfort in this behaviour, we proceed. Sense of comfort develops with consistent observations, enabling interaction regardless of the other person’s intentions. This underscores the significance of consistent behaviour, as it fosters comfort in interacting with friends or even perceived predictable foes. But, Unpredictability in a close friend’s behaviour becomes intolerable, as it subjects us to perpetual uncertainty, which we ourselves find challenging.
Over time, cultivating a sense of reliability and reciprocity with a friend or individual becomes paramount for fostering a healthy bond. Trust naturally grows, assuring you that they will be there for you in uncertain situations. In instances where they cannot be present, trust implies their engagement in other pressing matters. Rare moments of their absence are upheld by trust and their subsequent accountability. Accountability assumes a pivotal role when the essential elements of trust, reliability, and reciprocity face intermittent lapses. In such scenarios, their accountability and explanations for non-availability contribute to a deeper understanding of their situation, effectively preserving the fabric of trust.
Therefore, reciprocity, reliability, accountability, and trust emerge as indispensable elements for any social interaction or relationship. They act as buffers, mitigating the uncertainty inherent in the nature and behaviour of the individuals involved.
The second reason prompting expectations of certain behaviours from others arises when there is sudden unawareness about the other person involved in a consistent or regular social interaction. It is natural and human to feel concerned about their well-being, especially in romantic involvements, where the absence of awareness causes unease and worry.
While some may perceive this concern as dependence, it typically remains within reasonable bounds. It is natural to worry about the well-being of someone suddenly absent. At this point, the other person may expect to be informed about the well-being or non-availability in advance or receive an explanation afterward. While this expectation may seem like a restriction on freedom and self-expression, especially if overly emphasised or expected, it is fundamentally human.
A potential solution lies in open communication about the entire situation, communicating concerns, priorities, and one’s way of dealing with things. If the other person understands and acknowledges these aspects, a resolution can be reached. If they find the situation problematic on their end and express willingness to resolve and contemplate the issue, positive progress can be made.
Encouraging a degree of accountability, not necessarily divulging life details but making the other person aware of non-availability, helps alleviate concerns about their absence, assuring that the individual is perfectly fine.
However, if the other person insists that their behaviour aligns with how they treat everyone, a more intricate situation unfolds. In such cases, the concerned person confronts limited choices – facing the situation head-on and disengaging from the interaction to preserve mental peace, regardless of the depth of love or affection felt and the inherent goodness of the other person. Alternatively, adopting an attitude of indifference towards the concerns or behaviour of the other person becomes an option. While indifference is acknowledged as a powerful force, rendering everything it touches meaningless and potentially providing a semblance of inner peace, it prompts reflection on the very essence of a relationship founded on emotions and feelings. If two individuals become indifferent to each other’s situations in such a scenario, one may question the fundamental purpose of being in that interaction or relation.
